In pain...

There has been a lot of thing appearing in my life.  I wish for a change, I don't want to keep quiet, I want my own life,  I want back my wish to be done, I have sacrifice a lot of myself.  All I want is to let you know that for you to understand what I want or wish.  My feeling of a cool pail of cold water being pour on me and keeping myself in a cool and dark room.  The tears on my eye... can't stop it... why...

Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that myself have lost the confidence on you.
On the outside, I'm living, pretending in front of you that I trust and care for you
But within 1 second, 1 min, you have made my day to the tired and sick of you..

I do know what have you done for me and I do appreciate it. Thank you so much but things have to move, I can't stand still at one spot forever, I will do something, I will change, I will do a lot of thing to myself which I have lost of not doing it when I know you.  You can say I am greedy and materialistic but I know I am not, I just want to own those thing that I wish stop doing it for the past years.  So, do myself did anything wrong?
 

You'll never understand why I hurt so much,

because you're not the one who is crying,

you're not the one who is left behind,

you're not the one who loved too much,

and you're not the one who is lost the wish to come true... 
The cruel and hate to you....will never forget and forgive...